Over the weekend one of my daughters and I delved into the evil world known as Shopping for Jeans. A world known to make confident, grown women shirk and grimace. A world with only one equal atrocity -- shopping for swimsuits. A world of heavy sighs, material tight on thighs, waists too big whilst pant leg too narrow.
First of all, who are these jeans supposed to fit? Really, how many women have coltish, long legs like that? And Lord save us all from the Skinny Jean. Pure and utter evil in denim. There were even some with neon zippers at the ankles! Who do designers think looks good in those? Listen, if gorgeous young teens with high butts, athletic legs and flat stomachs look wrong in them, they really are Bad Jeans. The only worse pant I saw was from the "Not your Daughters Jeans" rack.
Come on. You might think after having six full term babies I would embrace a built in tummy control panel in my jeans. But no. Not jeans like this: the rear pockets were spaced so high on the jeans and far apart from each other my rear looked ginormous, truly huge. Made me actually giggle aloud in the changing room. Note to designers: pocket placement is important. Pockets wide apart = appearance of wide hips. Also, big, glittery flap on widely spaced back pockets = complete failure of cute butt attempt. And while not really mandatory my hind side be cute, it does need to be covered. Chant it with me now, readers:
No More Low Rise Jeans, No More Low Rise Jeans, No More Low Rise Jeans ...
Gorgeous daughter and I shook our heads in dismay. New jeans were not to be ours.
